Non-Fiction Friday: Writer Voice, meet Video Persona

I’m setting up a blind date for my writing voice and my video persona. I think they’ll really like each other…they just need to get in the same room for once. In fact, I’m so confident that they’re a good match that I’m going to film every Goddamn session until they decide to consciously couple or never ever speak to each other again. Here’s why I’m temporarily getting into match-making.

Help From Above

When I’m writing, it’s either at 4AM when the house is quiet and the coffee is hot or 9PM when the house is quiet and the vodka is icy. I’ve got my glasses on, no Chanel foundation (don’t need SPF inside it turns out), grandpa sweat pants, a man’s T-shirt that I’ve probably slept in for three-nights-straight, and unruly bun-hair (Jocelyn calls it Lego-bun). I don’t care what I look like because all that matters is that words are pouring out of my head and onto the page like a steady stream of cabernet on Friday afternoon.

When I’m filming a video, I develop Barbie Neck n' Elbow. Barbie necks and elbows don’t move just incase you haven't seen one of those dollys in a while. I think her boobs may have got smaller but don't quote me on that. I have A LOT of makeup on. I consciously choose a blouse with what a PR person once referred to as “jewel colors.” I tuck my hair behind my ear and then untuck it and then tuck it and then untuck it and then… Editing that shit is nuts. I enjoy filming media when it’s for a client and it’s live and I have to think on my feet, but when it’s me, myself, and my digital camera then I feel self-conscious in an about-to-give-birth-live-on-YouTube kinda way. Everything I film feels forced, stupid, and disconnected.

So I have a solution that will hopefully rescue me from the terrrribly boring videos I’ve filmed so far (please don’t even click on that video tab unless it’s nap time).

I am going to write my videos so that Barbie Neck can chill the heck out and writer sweatpants girl can get a little screen time too. One of my close family members came up with the idea and was kind enough not to say, “I cannot believe you haven’t thought of this before moron, er…I mean Jordan.” For those of you screaming “MORON” at the page, take my side for a second.

(This needs to be read in a flight-attendant voice. Southwest because they’re so chipper)

“Pour 2 ounces of vodka into the shaker. Good job. Now pour an ounce of orange juice into the shaker. Awesome.”

That does not exactly need to be written.

Come On People

But when I started scouring YouTube for inspiration, guidance, and courage, I realized (another moron moment) that the people, like me, who are watching all those amazing videos are only half there for the content, or the drink recipe. What they’re really there for is the drink recipe, and some fricking voice. Not a robot going through the motions with amazing jewel-colored shirts and a perfectly powdered nose. So if my writer voice is ever going to meet my video persona, it’s now or never.

The videos you will start to see over the next few weeks are going to be rough and weird. Remember how awful the first Sex in the City episode was? Realllllly bad, which really gives me hope. But if I wait until they’re just the way I want them, I’ll be 70 and you’ll be bored again. Check them out, give some feedback, and have fun watching what I hope will be speed-dating.

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